Revisiting “The Three Little Pigs Revisited”

Who can forget the immortal lines:  “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin.” and  “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.”

It’s from that exciting children’s classic, The Three Little Pigs: The terrifying story of three little pink cutsies being traumatized by the ever villainous wolf.  This story has been around for centuries.  In the older versions, the first two pigs have their houses destroyed by the wolf, who then eats them.  The third pig has to outsmart the devious wolf, who continues his onslaught on the third pig after the wolf’s failed attempt at house demolition.   The pig does so by NOT trusting the wolf to be honest.  Disney, who perhaps thought that the killing of Bambi’s mother maxed out childhood trauma, let all pigs survive.  The fundamental moral, at the end of all of the versions, is that you can’t simply throw things together and survive the bad things that happen in life.  Your chances of survival in this dangerous world improve if you are industrious and apply yourself.

Now there is a new version of The Three Little Pigs being used to teach our young children values.  If you would like to read it yourself, go to  From there, pick theme 2, lesson 8.

To summarize this version:  Three little pigs live where there was both a housing shortage and a building material shortage.  They decided to do their own thing to build their own houses.  The first pig built of recycled newspapers, the second of aluminum cans, and the third built of adobe.  A wolf who was “chased” out of his apartment for nonpayment of rent for two months came upon the newspaper house, demanding entrance.  When refused, he did his huff and puff thing, chasing the pig to the aluminum house, where the scene was repeated.  True to the original, the wolf could not huff and puff and blow down the third house (made of adobe, in this case).  In fact, he passed out from a supposed heart attack upon an extended session of huffing and puffing.  The pigs administered CPR, which revived the wolf.  A conversation with the wolf then revealed that he did not want to eat them (he was a vegetarian).  He was just testing the stability of the houses.   It was simply a miscommunication.  With chiding by the pigs, the wolf asked nicely to move in, even saying, “Please,” when prompted.  It ends with, “They learned the importance of cooperation and communication, and they all lived together happily ever after.”

The basic moral of this most recent version is quite obviously the importance of cooperation and communication.  (Socialism, while not explicitly mentioned, is part of the “cooperation” learned if you read the story in its entirety.)  This story is very clever because it introduces several cutting edge liberal concepts to our youngsters.  Why settle for just teaching them to be industrious when you can throw in things like “housing shortage” and recycling and (my personal favorite) vegetarian wolves?

As a matter of fact, I have my very own version of the story that I am thinking of publishing.  Here it is:

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.  Their parents finally threw them out of the sty because their free veterinary care expired when they were old enough to get a sty of their own and the farmer did not want to carry them on his plan several years longer.

The first little pig, named Barney, took several of his friends to the house of a nearby banker.  They hung around in his yard until it looked like a pigsty.  The banker agreed to build Barney a house if they promised to leave.  Barney’s choice of building material was mud, since pigs like mud.  However, it was a three story mud house in the best of neighborhoods.

The second little pig, named Nancy, built her house of credit cards, knowing that legislation would pass which would protect all owners of credit cards from those big, mean, evil creditors, thereby making her house a fortress backed by the protection of the federal government.

The third little pig, named Paul, built his house of copies of federal regulations.  This was a very thrifty house because the building materials were in such plentiful supply.  Paul also dug a bunker under his house.

In that area, however, an evil wolf named Hussein moved in.  Hussein’s name used to be Tom, Dick, or Barry, but he changed his name in honor of moving into a new neighborhood.  Wolves often do that.

Hussein came upon Barney’s house and said, “Dirty pig of an animal, I spit upon you and your house which you will allow me to enter.”

Barney responded, “Everyone should have a house of their own.  I can help you get a loan.”

Hussein said, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down.”

So he huffed and he puffed and he blew so hard that the mud dried out and the wind carried the dust away.  Barney scampered away and conned another man in the next county to build him a new house where his life went on pretty much as before.

Hussein came upon Nancy’s house, and said, “Dirty pig of an animal, I spit upon you and your house which you will allow me to enter.”

Nancy responded, “You will do no such thing.  I am Speaker of the House, and this is my house.  Since you are a vegetarian, you have to be a democrat.  If you are a democrat, you WILL do what I say.”

Hussein responded, “Vegetarian Republican may be an oxymoron, but so is Far-left follower.”  So Hussein huffed and puffed and blew so hard that the credit cards blew into a corn field where they were harvested for fuel.  Nancy stayed where she was and pretended that her house was still standing.

Then Hussein went to Paul’s house, and said, “Dirty pig of an animal, I spit upon you and your house which you will allow me to enter.”

Paul said, “Go right on ahead.” And ducked into his bomb shelter.

Hussein huffed and he puffed and he blew the federal regulations so far and wide that they were Humpty-Dumptyized.  Unfortunately, in the process, he suffered a coronary heart attack.  Since the Affordable Health Care Act had passed, he was part of the 88% increase in heart attack deaths that had occurred, and he was toast.

As soon as Hussein was a statistic, Paul came out from his bomb shelter.  When everyone saw what devastation had resulted from vegetarian wolves and credit card houses, they vowed to remember that some things in this world are bad and should be guarded against.  Then everyone lived happily ever after.


A note:  I would no more suggest that this version of the classic should be introduced to young minds than I would the version that teaches that there is no bad in the world and they can talk their way out of every bad situation.  Some things are simply age inappropriate.  Let’s teach our kids values—like being responsible and growing up to be productive.  Let’s not brainwash them with agendas—like socialism and vegetarianism.

Another note:  If I have offended any pigs or wolves in my story by comparing them to unsavory characters, it is most regrettable.  There was no intention on my part to stereotype.

Published in: on March 28, 2011 at 10:39 pm  Leave a Comment  
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