Bullish on Fabricated Feelings

Fabricated Feelings rose sharply 20 points on the stock exchange yesterday after Robert Gibbs caused increased sales by commenting on “manufactured anger” at the Town Hall Meetings about Health Care Reform.  Fabricated Feelings is the primary manufacturer of this product in the US.

In an interview with Robert Gibbs on August 4 by Jon Ward from the Washington Times, Gibbs said, “I hope people will take a jaundiced eye to what is clearly the Astro Turf nature of so-called grassroots lobbying—”

Ward, interrupting, said “The grassroots what?”

Gibbs replied, “The Astro Turf nature of grassroots lobbying, which is largely the term for, you know, this is manufactured anger.”

Fabricated Feelings, the US based company which markets worldwide, was delighted with this high profile PR for their product.  We spoke with its president, Mr. Don Gefuhle, after word came out that all of its manufactured anger sold out of stores in 40 major metropolitan areas yesterday.

Mr. Gefuhle noted that, “We were delighted with the national exposure given to our product yesterday.  Manufactured anger flew off the shelves yesterday.  I think that many were not aware that they could purchase manufactured anger.  We hope that we can keep up with the increased demand.”

“Sales have steadily increased since last fall, ever since TARP,” Mr. Gefuhle said.  “Modest increases were experienced until early this year, when the stimulus drove sales sharply higher.  We had to hire additional workers to add a shift in our manufacturing plants in five states.  The stimulus package can truly be said to be responsible for not only saving, but actually creating manufacturing jobs in our industry.  Now that the insurance companies and evil right wing extremist groups are infusing money into the Health Care Issue by hiring agitators, we are hiring even more.  ”

In describing the consumers of his product, he notes, “Our clientele is mostly middle America.  Since the details of Health Care Reform have been leaking out, we have increased sales to the elderly, not a large part of our typical customer base in the past.  If you look at the angry mobs in these meetings, there are a lot of gray hairs.  Certain proposed details in the Health Care proposals have forced them to spend their hard earned dollars on anger to be able to attend the Town Hall Meetings.”

Mr. Gefuhle reasoned that the Town Hall Meetings are not the only factor driving up sales to the elderly.  “They aren’t buying the anger just for the meetings.  AARP is supporting this legislation even thought it would divert money out of an already broken Medicare to fund the new Health Care.  Additionally, there is a lot of talk by politicians and political appointees using this legislation to ration care for the useless elderly.  We are hoping that we can retain a large part of that customer base as the elderly deal with AARP and the federal government.”

The president also held out some hope for expanding his clientele into one other nontraditional customer base.  “Unfortunately, we have very few left wing liberals that purchase our product.  On the current topic, they are angry that a single payer system is not currently in the works, and have said so quite vehemently at Town Hall meetings.  However, as Mr. Gibbs would tell you, their anger is real, unlike the manufactured anger of moderates and conservatives.  If our business depended on the political left wing, we would probably fold.  However, we do see a remarkable opportunity.  As the Democratic strategist Chris Kofinis said on August 4 on Neil Cavuto’s Your World, the real people hurting without Health Care Reform are the ‘hundreds of millions of Americans that are suffering under this current health care crisis.’  We would like to manufacture anger for these hundreds of millions of Americans.  We think that these people may be the same as the elusive 500 millions of Americans that were losing their job each month according to Nancy Pelosi in February.  There are only 304 million Americans in total, but 2.5 billion Americans have lost their jobs by this time according to Ms. Pelosi’s calculations.  We would like to reach those people.  We feel that manufactured feelings for manufactured people are even more appropriate than manufactured feelings for real people.”

Fabricated Feelings manufactures not only anger, but other negative emotions as well.  They manufacture rage, disgust, fear, sadness, anxiety, panic, despair, and mistrust.  These sell particularly well in warehouse clubs in large variety packs.

The president spoke about the expanded demand for other Fabricated Feelings products. “We have had tremendous sales of rage in the past week to enable our clients to chant ‘READ THE BILL’ or ‘JUST SAY NO’ at some of these Town Hall Meetings.  Usually, this rage is marketed in the Middle East where their chants involve something more virulent, like ‘DEATH TO AMERICA’ or ‘KILL ALL JEWS.’  Having a domestic market is nice.”

“As a matter of fact,” concluded the president, “Sales of these other negative emotions have contributed quite a bit to our success this year.  We anticipate increasing sales figures well into next year.”

If you’re thinking of jumping back into the market, Fabricated Feelings stock may be one that you want to look into.

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Published in: on August 5, 2009 at 12:39 pm  Leave a Comment  
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