I’ve Been Abducted by Aliens

Help!  I have been abducted by aliens and they are holding me captive in unreality!

I know that this must be the case, because things are happening that just don’t happen in the real world.  The government is taking over industries in a country successful because of private enterprise.  We are spending money that we don’t have and leaving our debt for our children, our grandchildren, and our great-grandchildren—very unnatural. One of our elected representatives used his position to help bring our financial system almost to ruin, yet states (as if he believes it) that he had nothing to do with it, and will most likely be reelected again and again.  People see the harm that a leader does and yet continue to idolize him as if he were a king.

Now there is Major Stefan Cook of the Army Reserve.  This cannot be real.  In May of this year, he volunteered to deploy to Afghanistan for a year.  In June he was ordered to report for deployment on July 15.  On July 10 he filed a lawsuit indicating that he would not report until Barack Obama proved his eligibility for the office of the presidency by providing a valid birth certificate showing that he was born in the United States and not Kenya.

In his lawsuit, he claimed that if the president were not born in the United States as the Constitution requires, then he is not a legitimate president.  If he is not a legitimate president, then he is not a legitimate commander-in-chief of the US military.  That would mean that at some future time, members of the U.S. military in overseas actions could be prosecuted as war criminals because they acted on invalid orders.  Before Major Cook would risk himself in that way, he was obligated to determine if he was being issued a valid order by a valid commanding officer.

The complaint filed for the lawsuit rightly says, “Barack Hussein Obama, in order to prove his constitutional eligibility to serve as President, basically needs only produce a single unique historical document for the Plaintiff’s inspection and authentication: namely, the ‘long-form’ birth certificate which will confirm whether Barack Hussein Obama was in fact born to parents who were both citizens of the United States in Honolulu, Hawaii, in or about 1961.”

See why I’m thinking ALF?

This whole birth certificate issue is one that I only learned of while surfing the internet about a month ago.  It was not covered in any kind of mainstream media that I saw last year, but I guess that the issue was raised then in off-the-wall places.  A certificate was checked out last August by FactCheck.org, whose stated mission is:  “We are a nonpartisan, nonprofit ‘consumer advocate’ for voters that aims to reduce the level of deception and confusion in U.S. politics.”  Their results of their check are at http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/born_in_the_usa.html.  However, I guess there remains an issue about the “short form” checked out versus the “long form” certificate which was requested but never produced.

When I found out about the birth certificate controversy on the internet about a month ago, I figured it was one of those conspiracy things—it would make a good novel or movie.  I don’t trust the truth of a lot of what I read on the internet.  It appears that some of the support for the notion was that Obama’s paternal grandmother talked about being there in the village when he was born.  I’ve known a lot of grandmothers, especially old world grandmothers where the grandsons are the only important grandchildren, and know that you have to take what they say with a grain of salt.  The internet coverage was better than a cartoon for a good laugh.

Then came word of this lawsuit.  When I heard the details, I figured that we were in for a fun ride.  The wheels of Justice grind slowly, and this would have to be a lot more entertaining than 12 days of funeral coverage and 3 days of speeches and questioning over a foregone conclusion.

The lawyer for Major Cook is Orly Taitz, who has been unsuccessfully trying to get the issue of Obama’s birth certificate to have its day in court for almost a year.  She is portrayed as a kook by some, obviously.  I admit that thought having crossed my mind when I read about her before this case arose.  However, this time there is a plaintiff with some credibility and a serious concern, given who prosecutes whom for what these days and with talk of prosecution for war crimes even in this country.  I figured that the court would have to hear this case.

Darn if the Executive Branch didn’t let me down.  They moved faster than a supercomputer.  On July 14, Lt. Col. Maria Quon, U.S. Army Public Affairs Officer, U.S. Army Human Resources Command-St. Louis, issued a statement: “The Commanding General of SOCCENT has determined that he does not want the services of Maj. Cook, and has revoked his deployment orders.”  That’s military speak for he’s not going to be deployed.  I’ll bet they’ve never used that one for anyone before in the history of the U.S.  military. Immediately after that statement, the US Attorney’s Office filed a Motion to Dismiss the lawsuit.  Since Major Cook isn’t being ordered overseas, he doesn’t have the legal standing to sue.  Bottom line:  no lawsuit.  No fun.

Major Cook also lost his job, and probably his security clearance.  He was a senior systems engineer and architect for a private firm that is a DOD contractor.  I can’t imagine that he didn’t anticipate that he would lose his job.  Someone that can fire the CEO of GM can certainly arrange to have a lowly systems engineer fired.  (I also figure that at this point, he might be safer in Afghanistan than he is here.)

So, Obama doesn’t want to release his birth certificate, an official copy of which is (according to the internet) claimed by Obama to be in some vault somewhere.  Why doesn’t he just pull it out and end the conspiracy theories?  If he doesn’t have a valid birth certificate, what I can’t figure out is why he doesn’t have someone fake a birth certificate.  He’s certainly done more underhanded things in his political career, and he surely has the resources.  The Federal Reserve could stop printing money long enough to print out one teensy-weensy birth certificate, and someone in Hawaii could certainly be bribed to verify its authenticity.

I wish that my imagination were vivid enough to make up a story like this, but it’s not.  So I must have been abducted by aliens.  If I haven’t, and this actually is reality . . . Is there some nice alien out there that would please come and abduct me?

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Published in: on July 15, 2009 at 11:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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